GRRRR

The past 9 days' worth of workouts:
Sunday = elliptical machine, 30 minutes (500 cal) + 10-lb. hand weights, 5 min.
Monday = elliptical machine, 30 min. (500 cal) + 10-lb. hand weights, 5 min.
Tuesday = pilates (intense), 1 hour (400 cal)
Wednesday = elliptical machine, 30 min. (500 cal) + 10-lb. hand weights, 5 min.
Thursday = rest
Friday = elliptical machine, 30 min. (500 cal) + 10-lb. hand weights, 5 min.
Saturday = rest/cleaning the house
Sunday = pilates (intense), 1 hour (400 cal)
Today = elliptical machine, 30 min. (500 cal) + 10-lb. hand weights, 5 min.

As I had planned, I increased each session on the elliptical machine by 5 minutes, which burns an extra 100 calories every time. I've been drinking tons more water, eating smaller portions of everything, and restricting sweets (I even switched my morning hot chocolate at work to the sugar-free, 50-calorie kind). Pretty impressive, I think. Want to know the results?

I gained 1 pound.

Gained.

And I am not even close to my PMS water-retention time. Either my scale is on crack, or something is wrong with me. I'm not trying to lose 50 lb.; I want to lose ten, but I'd settle for five right now. The point is that no normal person does what I do, month after month, without losing ONE SINGLE LOUSY pound--let alone gaining one! I know that muscle weighs more than fat, but after a while having more muscle is supposed to burn more fat, eventually causing weight loss. But me? My cells have apparently found a way to metabolize air and transform it into molecules of lead.

I've tried to be patient. I've worked harder. But enough is enough. It's time to seek outside help before I go down to the basement and beat my elliptical machine into skinny little pieces (although that probably burns 500 calories too... *glassed-over eyes and evil grin*). So I called my doctor and made an appointment for a physical on Feb. 2, at which time I am going to ask him what the hell is wrong with my body. And I promise not to freak out anymore until then.